Bereavement
What to do when someone dies in the UK: a step-by-step checklist
A practical week-by-week guide for what to do when someone dies in the UK - covering England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.
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April 26, 2026
The conversation most people put off too long. Here's how to start it, what to cover, what to actually say, and what to do with the answers.
Last updated: April 2026.
It is not that people do not care. It is that the conversation feels morbid, presumptuous, or simply not urgent. Younger family members worry they will seem to be hurrying their parents along. Older family members worry they will upset their children. Both sides assume there will be time later. Often, there is not.
The cost of leaving it late is not abstract. It shows up as adult children making guesses about funeral preferences in a hospital corridor, siblings disagreeing about life-prolonging treatment, executors discovering they are an executor by opening a letter from a solicitor, and grieving families spending weeks searching for paperwork that turns out not to exist.
The good news is that this conversation does not have to happen all at once, it does not have to be heavy, and it almost always goes better than people expect.
The honest answer is: earlier than feels comfortable. The right moment is rarely a moment — it is usually a series of small openings.
Some natural prompts:
You do not need to wait for the perfect moment. You need to use the next ordinary one.
The opening line matters less than people think. What helps is making it clear that this is a conversation about practical things, not a hint that you think someone is dying.
"I've been thinking about getting my own affairs in order. Have you done much of that?"
"Mum's funeral last month made me realise we've never talked about what you'd want. Can we, sometime soon?"
"I read a guide that said most people leave this conversation too late. I don't want to do that with you. Can we talk about it?"
"If something happened to one of us, would you actually know where everything is? I don't think I would."
"I keep meaning to write down what I'd want if I couldn't speak for myself. Could we do it together?"
"I want to make sure you'd know what to do if something happened to me. Can we go through a few things over coffee?"
"I've been getting my paperwork sorted. I'd like you to know where everything is — not because anything's wrong, just because it's easier this way."
"I'm not asking because I think anything's wrong. I just don't want to be guessing one day."
"We don't have to do it all today. Could we just talk about one thing?"
End-of-life conversations cover four broad areas. You do not need to address them all at once — and not every area applies to every family — but each is worth getting to eventually.
What kind of medical care would they want, and not want, if they could not speak for themselves? This is where Lasting Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare (in England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or a Welfare Power of Attorney (in Scotland) becomes important. An advance decision (sometimes called a living will) lets someone refuse specific treatments in advance.
Useful prompts:
Burial or cremation? Religious or secular? Big gathering or small? Particular music, readings, flowers? It can feel strange to ask, and stranger still to answer — but the people who will arrange the funeral almost always say afterwards that they were grateful to have known.
Useful prompts:
This is the area that causes the most needless work for families later. Not the values of accounts — but where the paperwork is, who the solicitor is, who the financial adviser is, where the will is held, and what online accounts exist.
Useful prompts:
You do not need to record account numbers, passwords or PINs anywhere — and you certainly should not store them in any digital tool. What you need is to know where to look.
The conversations that matter most are often the least practical. What does your relative want their family to remember? Is there a story they have never told, a person they want to thank, a regret they want to put down? Future-dated letters, video messages, and journals can carry a voice across decades.
This is also the area where you may learn things about your parents or grandparents you never knew. Many families find these the most rewarding conversations of their lives.
A conversation is not enough on its own — memory is unreliable, and other family members will need to know what was decided. Some practical follow-up steps:
Some families find this conversation easy. Many do not. If you are getting resistance:
Use a natural prompt — a friend's funeral, a will being updated, a news story — rather than scheduling a heavy "we need to talk" conversation. Be honest that you want to know what they want so you can get it right. One topic at a time is plenty.
Cover four areas over time: healthcare (what treatment they would or would not want, who should decide for them); funeral preferences (burial or cremation, music, readings); practical information (where the will is, who the executor is, where paperwork is kept); and memories or messages (anything they want their family to know).
Earlier than feels comfortable, and certainly before any health or capacity concerns make the conversation harder. Most people who have left it too late say they wish they had started years before.
An advance decision (sometimes called a living will) is a legally binding document in England and Wales that allows someone to refuse specific medical treatments in advance, in case they later lose the capacity to decide for themselves. Scotland and Northern Ireland have similar arrangements with different names and rules.
A Lasting Power of Attorney lets someone make decisions on your behalf while you are alive but unable to make them yourself. A will only takes effect when you die. Most adults benefit from having both.
No. Funeral wishes are guidance for the family or executors, not a legally binding contract. But they are still enormously helpful — most families want to honour what was wanted.
Every few years is a reasonable rhythm. Sooner if there is a major life change — a marriage, a divorce, a serious diagnosis, a death in the family, a significant change in finances.
Digital Companion is built for exactly this. As a pre-planner, you can record your healthcare wishes, funeral preferences, and key information, then nominate a trusted family member to access it when needed. The Journal feature lets you leave messages and memories alongside the practical detail — so your family inherits more than just paperwork.
These conversations are easier when there is somewhere to put the answers.
Get started with Digital Companion
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, medical or financial advice.
A practical week-by-week guide for what to do when someone dies in the UK - covering England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.
What each term means, when you actually need a grant, and how to apply — for England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.
The conversation most people put off too long. Here's how to start it, what to cover, what to actually say, and what to do with the answers.
